Monday, January 31, 2005

What’s in a name?

Most people refer to the room in their house where a sleeping baby lies as the nursery. This seems to be a pretty common occurrence. Some people who are convinced of their uber-fertility in the world will even start referring to a room in the house as the nursery long before a child has ever been conceived. I have friends who used this term from the day they bought their house. It always made me nervous because I knew that there was always a chance that something could go amiss (and this was before I ever started trying- long before I knew about my own infertility). I just became nervous when I would hear them talk about the nursery in matter-of-fact terms. Thankfully, they only had to “stop not trying” for one month to conceive their beautiful son. At that point, I had already been trying for a year and a half but had kept the news from most people. I was thinking to confide in my friend, wondering if she was experiencing the same thing, when she called me with her good news. At that point, I kept my mouth shut about my own problems because I didn’t want her to have to censor her words. I was genuinely happy for her and wanted to hear every little detail that she would share.

But back to the “N” word. I reached the 23-week mark today. Pretty damn good for an infertile who was 100% convinced that her IVF would never work. I get it that I am very lucky. But I am also so convinced that calling a particular room in our house the nursery before there is a living, breathing baby is going to cause the bowels of the earth to swallow up my dreams. I still call it the extra room. To get even crazier, I have even purchased items for said “extra room” and have no mental objection to taking that kind of action. But calling it a nursery just seems unnatural.

I’m looking forward to painting so that I can call the room by its color.

You can take the infertile off of the island, but you can’t take away her infertility.


Angela said...

Deep breaths. I can't wait to hear about your colored room. My next house project is to paint the "office" because I am sick of waiting to make it that other kind of room. Maybe once I do, it will need to be painted again soon? Trying to Jedi mind trick Mother Nature is not easy.

Anonymous said...

When my husband and i decided to "stop not trying", we were living in a two bedroom apartment; we simply referred to the second bedroom as the guest-office-rabbit (don't ask) room. It just never occured to us to Field of Dreams it until our daughter was well on her way. My little sister, on the other hand, has managed to stockpile a crapload of Noah's Ark-themed nursery "decor", and has been referring to her as-yet-to be-conceived daughter as Amanda for more than 6 years now!
Yup, we're all different alright.