Thursday, January 20, 2005

Enviable dilemma

I’m dealing with a bit of a dilemma right now, and before I continue I will acknowledge that it is a dilemma that many people would give a limb to experience. I know that. But, it still doesn’t make it any less of a dilemma for me, so I will continue.

I mentioned in an earlier post that we are still actively volunteering for the agency through which we want to pursue an adoption. They know fully about our pregnancy and are thrilled that we will continue to work with them. In fact, one of the coordinators went so far as to insist that our biological child would be treated as a big part of the agency family (family is truly the only word to describe it)- they can’t wait for him or her to get here.

So, here is my dilemma.

I have always been involved in the “visible” volunteer activities. Working with committees on fundraising, for example. The cycle of fundraising is starting up again, and I’m torn about how to approach the situation. In a short enough time, word will either spread about my pregnancy, or it will become glaringly obvious. (Right now I am at the in between stage where people that know me well would see a pregnant belly, people who know me less well might see a fat belly. You would be stuck in the “is she?” discussion if you saw me walk past at the market- especially in my “stealth” maternity garb.) So, if I step back from the visible activities for a while, it will appear as though I have abandoned the group in lieu of my bio-kid. However, I also worry that if I stay on the committees I will be viewed as insensitive because I am flaunting my pregnant self to a bunch of infertile people. Either way I am screwed.

I tried to view it from my prepregnancy perspective. I would have been happy for the person, but there would have also been a side that thought “why not me?” I was never bothered by the presence of pregnant women, but I have friends who walk away if a pregnant woman is present. If some of the people on the committee would be bothered, I would sooner prevent that by disappearing for a while.

And, of course, because I think of the people in this group as a big family, there is a part of me that really wants to share the news with them excitedly because they are so dear to me. It is always nice to share good things with your family.

There it is- the enviable dilemma.

The first of the meetings is coming up in two days, and I am planning to attend. I’m introducing another couple to the group and I want to be there at least for their first meeting. I guess I will play it by ear after that…

1 comment:

lobster girl said...

That is an enviable dilemma! I think it's lovely that you're being sensitive to the feelings of the women on your committee. You know them pretty well, at this point, so how do you think they'll respond? They care about you and it's possible they'll just be happy for you -- with perhaps the twinge of envy that so many of us have felt when others get pregnant, even those we love.